Lost in Face

The recent arrival of my new grandson was a wondrous occasion, I may have mentioned it!

I have been very fortunate to have had a number of “Best Day Ever”s in my life and being the effusive verbal communicator that I am, yes, I do talk a lot, I am more than happy to elucidate at length about any one of them. Obviously his arrival was amazing and way, way up there on the list but I was over-whelmed, lost in his face and lost for words.

There is no denying that cradling the new born form of my son’s son and gazing into his face leapt me back in time, as I wondered how he would grow up and what excitement life would hold for him, to my emotions when I pondered the same things about my new born son.

I had had a major surgical excision for cancer a few weeks before my son was born and when I gazed into his big round eyes it was an amazing moment but touched with a poignancy as I truly didn’t know if I would live to see him grow up to a boy, a teenager, a man. The statistics were not in my favour, but I have always believed that you get a long way with sheer will power and determination and one step at a time is the only way to go.

When 15 years later my consultant discharged me and told me I was very lucky, I certainly didn’t argue with him, I had my life, of course, but even more important, because I had become so acutely aware of my mortality, I had learned to live it, to fill it with love, joy, family, friendship and lots of laughter, to recognise the importance of people and emotional wealth rather than money and things, mind if you’re offering a few bob I’ll not refuse, it would be rude!.

No, I don’t think I’m some sort of saint, I can be petty and small-minded, self-absorbed (especially over new babies!), self-opinionated and positively awful, just like everyone else but facing your own physical mortality and the fear that you may not see your child grown up really sharpens your focus, on what is most important in life, in a way that few other things can.

So, as I look at the face that holds the thread of my genetic immortality, I am again awestruck at the wonder of life and the promise of the future.