Guttered.

So the other day the wind was whipping around the house and a crack and a crash resounded through the conservatory. Now this sort of noise usually heralds the arrival of pigeons or magpies having a stroll across the roof.

However, this was particularly loud and the moving shadow tracing back and forth in my peripheral vision was particularly large. Was Santa doing a practice run, had the reindeers gone astray and stopped for a rest, unfortunately not, it was my gutter broken loose with the force of the wind.

So up the ladder, strangely not great fun, as the wind was blowing a gale and as far as I am concerned anything above 18inches off the ground counts as high altitude work.

Having donned hard hat, affixed the pitons and the safety line I ascended at least three feet, that’s nearly a metre these days, to the summit of the conservatory. Adjusting my vision, to compensate for the vast expanse of white up there, I found that the gutter was seriously broken and like poor old humpty couldn’t be put back together again, so we were in for an expense repair job just before Christmas.

Of course this was the third thing to break as the washing machine and the tumble drier had both broken, so maybe everything else will stay in one piece until after Christmas, oh yeah that’ll happen!

The gutter needed securing somehow, until I could get someone to fix it, otherwise it was going to do more damage as it danced about in the wind. Tricky business this as both hands had to let go of the step ladder but out came a roll of insulating tape and leaning my body mass into the wind and with hardly any thought for my personal safety I performed first aid on the gutter and strapped it up like a sprained ankle.

OK yes, obviously I used white tape so that it matched the uPVC!